He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just cropdusted the office
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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