In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
