went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
