my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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