I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
