Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
