Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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