I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
