oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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