i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
