I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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