my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
