Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
