You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
