I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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