Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
