mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
