You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
