Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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