haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
