the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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