Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
