About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize