I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
