Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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