I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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