just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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