I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
