Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
