So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
