he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
