she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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