We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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