I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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