It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
