if i can run in heels then i can drive
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
