I can't watch pbs sober anymore
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
