guys are not supposed to queef...right?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
