So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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