Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize