I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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