Say something about gay babies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
