he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
