Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
