Banned from zoo.
Again?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
