u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
