yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were trust falling into bushes
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