wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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