He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
