My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
