if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
