i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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