my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
