Me too!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
