Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
