cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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