The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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