My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
