final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
