Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
