omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
