you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
