i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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