i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
