Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
