It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
