He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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