Just cropdusted the office
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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