This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
