I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I need help removing her.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
