Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
