There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
