please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
