i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
