I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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