Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
