were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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