i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
