Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
