He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
