I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
