I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize